The Summer of '98 - Part3

During this period, I visited Amma's 13th day after passing away in Gokarna. First exposure to the world after surgery. I do not remember much of anything. We came back to Manipal, this time only me and father. I was at the other end of the hospital. This time my doctor was Dr. Ramanujam - Radio oncologist. The part of the infected area which as to be irradiated to kill any remaning trace of cancer cells. They had marked all the portion on m neck with a type of ink. Ever since I had learnt about radiation in my high school I had come to think that it was something cool. But the days ahead were to reveal the unimaginably harsh thing called 'radiation' to me. Everyday I had to recieve 2 dosages, each lasting for 5-10 mins. Radiation in itself doesn't cause any pain, but the effects it has on metabolism and the body as a whole are bizzare. First of all the burning of the skin. The dosages are are so less and subtle that one would feel nothing, absolutely nothing when under the machine inside the radiation chamber. But gradually the radiation has burnt the skin beyonf recognition, as good a burn as caused by fire. This is ok if it is a part of the body which can be hidden by clothes, but not parts like neck,head etc. Second complication is the stomach and digestion. May be I tried almost all types of food during those days, with all types of combinations. Nothing would go in, and I would always have this nauseatic feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I would come running back from the restaurent to the ward to throw up everything I had gulped in. It is a very embarassing situation. You feel hungry but if you start eating there is some uneasiness in the stomach and you feel like vomitting. Meanwhile one more guy who was may be a year or two younger than me, was admitted near my bed. He was also from Kadra near Karwar. He had comains of frequent bouts of fever nad nausea. His father once had told us that his was a case of leukaemia. That day I was very sad on hearing this. He was so young for a disease like that.I had asked this boy once about this and he didn't seem to be aware of this fact and had only told me his compication. I had also seen kids of 2-3 year who were recieving radiation for brain tumour and others. It's a bad place to be. You start feeling that god is cruel or there is nothing called as god. We would occassionally go home to Karwar on sundays since it was a off day for radiation. Even there I would not like home food. The smell of sambar caused nausea. I was told not to take bath for duration of the therapy. The maximum I could do was to get a wet towel bath below my chest. This was one more discomfort added to the summer heat. Even after the therapy I could not take bath till the burns had healed. They would ooze out puss at times and the complete lack of sensation in those parts resulted in them flowing down till I somehow felt it and wiped them with cotton. Meanwhile I had got my SSLC results and I had passed with a percentage of 85.12%. I had topped the two Kannada medium divisions. Nothing was joyful anymore in my life. The radiation which lasted for one and half months finally ended and I was discharged. I cannot describe the joy that I felt that day. I was going back home, to X-Files, friends and beach. I had to rush for the admission for the college since the last dates for application were nearing. The thought of dropping a year never crossed my mind, and I am grateful to my parents for not having put me to think in that direction even though they had such thoughts in mind. They were obviously anxious since I had not yet completely recovered. They were even thinking of putting me into Commerce stream since science would prove too hectic for me. But all these intentions were revealed to me after I had got a seat in science thankfully. I think I would not have chosen anything else , because I wanted to become a scientist :). The phase after this was the most challenging I think. All my classmates and friends were shocked and sad after I had narrated my summer holiday adventure and after seeing what was left of me. But I too was emotionally not mature and all this started to take a toll on me. I started to avoid the company of people except a few close friends from my school. Thus I never enjoyed those college days nor did I make any good friends. Besides, I was still recovering from the shock and coming to terms with the world which used to give me pitiful and at times yucky glances. Someone sneering at me made me very sad and uncomfortable though I pretended not having observed them. To this date I am yet to accept this fact completely , though offlate there have been some positive signs. The pain I have gone through has been immense. I still am fighting my own identity. I dont know how to describe this. But all these years, somehow I have been lucky enough to have succeeded to some extent in my studies and having landed a job too. I am totally grateful to god for what I am today. And I hae never had a single instance of people making fun my condition or passing remarks atleast before me. But it pains when I can't mix with new people with the same friendliness a normal guy would do. I cannot pursue all that I want for the same reason of people not easily mixing up with me. Some people deliberately try to ignore me even if I want to talk to them. This hurts a lot, but I have to live with this , since this appears to be my Karma. So this pretty much sums up that dark phase of my life. Sorry if I made you puke. There is no way I could have described this than what I have written. Nothing artificial or untrue. So keep reading .. bye..

The Summer of 98 - Part2

So the exams were over and as planned , I had to go to Manipal to see the doctor. We went in a week or so, and this time we met the doc.He was a nice person and at a later stage we came to learn that he was a distant relative of ours :).This time they did some diagnosis and FNAC(Fine needle aspiration cytology). The diagnosis would take a week and they asked us to come back a week later. Those days there was no cell phone nor was there a practice of informing people on phone.A week later we went again this time mom and brother also came along. The diagnosis was out. I was only told that its some minor thing.But it was a malignant tumor,called muco epidermoid carcenoma.It is obvious why I was not told about this.I was admitted and the surgery was to be performed to remove the tumour and it was scheduled for April 20th. It was the day finally. I was given a dose of sedatives in the morning so that I would sleep off and there is no pre surgical anxiety running high. I do not clearly remember whem my normal clothes where removed and a white cotton shirt and paijama were put on. This was like preparing a bakra before sacrifice. So there I lay on the cold table in a lose white shirt and a paijama,with heavy eyes,trying to embrace onto sleep at the same time wondering what will happen when I will be on the other side of this deep trance. Anasthesia was administered. The doc asked me to count 1,2,3 .. and thats it I was knocked unconscious. It was a 13 hour surgery and my dad had cried many times during the surgery , I was told. The tumor was the size of a small sized tomato it seems. They had also performed some microscopic surgery on the neck region. I remember lying with a heavy head and face and a feel of thick layer of bandages around my head, Lying on a table in a dimly lit,cold room, I do not remember when I clearly regained consciousness. I saw a nurse standing beside my bed and I asked her if the surgery was over and she nodded or said "Yes". I sighed. A little later mother was there standing beside nodding her head. Her expressions were so decieving, I would not sense a thing about the grave situation. I had come literally out of the mouth of death. Sometimes in ignorance,I ask in return was I really supposed to live?. Who would answer such things?, forget it!. I can faintly recall a night a when I was moaning in sleep because of the pain. At that time pain had been so immense and wide spread that my body had gone numb. They had strapped a sensor kind of thing on my left arm which would indicate if I was experiencing a lot of pain. I do not remember the date or the day. The next morning, I was trying to get out of bed and lay my feet onto the ground probably after 2 days. But I could not move my feet. They were dropping lifeless . I had lost control over them. I could not rest my body on them and stand on them. They simply would not respond. I was kind of shocked. I was carried to the toilet with the help of others while I rested my hands on their shoulders and tried to walk. Doctor said this was something serious , a GB syndrome possibly. My dad started crying inconsolably as the doc said this, since he knew how serious a disease that is. I can sense his desperateness. A helpless father who could do nothing to save his son from slipping into the hands of death. I was sitting there, shell shocked, staring in complete disbelief towards my dad, who through out my childhood had embodied a strong character with lots of principles and values,who would not budge under any fear or pressure,was crying like child. I could do nothing, not saying a word to console him. I needed someone to shake me out of all this. I was lost in all this drama.Even today what happened to me doesn't make me all that sad,except this day or all those times my parents have had to bear so much pain,which made them cry. My eyes well up in tears and I get depressed at the picture of this event. A fit of rage takes me over and I feel like smashing everything around me or hurting myself. It has left a permanent scar in my mind. The doctor uttered, "Well!! this is a million dollar situation!" and called the nurse to instruct her something. I would practice walking with the help of others,who would hold a bottle which was connected to a hole in my neck through a pipe, meant to suck out the fluid waste, in a bucket. This was an extra appendage to my body for a few days. Thankfully in a course of few days I regained control over my feet and could walk normally. It was simply because of a condition developed after a long spell of anesthasia. All the muscles would totally relax and would drop almost lifeless. So did my feet during the long surgery, and it had taken little late to recover from the slumber. Things were actually getting worse and one more shocker was waiting for me. One early morning, I had faintly woken up from sleep and I saw mom talking over the phone near the reception and dad trying to console her. Later in the day mom left to Agasur(her maternal home)telling me that, " Amma(grandma) was not feeling well and I need to see her". It was only when she returned a day later, I came to know that it was not the truth. One more of my uncles had come to see me, dad was standing near the bed and he said in a low tone," Amma is no more in this world!" . That sounded like a dialogue from a movie. But it was truth and nothing less than that. Far away from the fake of movies. It was like a sudden lightning in a calm sky. My eyes were popped out, in shock. I had not a lost a loved one till then and it was more than shocking to hear such a thing under the circumstances. I still feel guilty, since I somehow feel, she had worried too much on me and that caused it. She was a beloved gradma for all of us. She had raised me as a new born and given me a lot of love throughout my child hood.I still wonder at my mom's strength, when she could only see her mother being cremated and not a single day to mourn with her sisters when on the other hand she had a son who had been just slicked away from death. What pain it must have been! Like always she emerged from it all. My brother Suvrat was there in Agasur, going through all this. Probably his childhood rescued him from all the pain at that tender age away from parents alone in all this. Meanwhile the main cuplrit and the protagonist of the story , thats me ,was slowly recovering from the post surgical blues. I was popping many tablets, all of different color and taste. I was discharged from the surgical ward. I was given a break of few days and I had to return back for radiotherapy for the next one and half months.

The Summer of 98 - Part1

In all these 24 years of my life so far, I have faced ups and downs like every individual. My life was normal till the age of 16 like everyone. But then there was something else in store for me for the important years of my life to come ahead. This is a sincere attempt to describe the events that kind of changed my life. I didn't wish to write this initially, but I thought it's time I shared some sour part of my life. I would not like to call it that way now, since I have begun to see the good things behind every which happens in your life and I have come to learn how trivial my troubles are. I do not wish to make this a tear jerker, just writing things on impulse.

It was March 4th 1998. Me and my father had reached Kasturba hospital, Manipal, surgical OPD. I remember it was a wednesday. I will digress a little here. Every wednesday was exciting for me, as X-Files, which was my favorite would be aired on that night. I would sit glued to the TV throughout trying to decipher the dialogues with the limited knowledge of English I had. We were waiting in the hall, whole afternoon and then my father asked a nurse there, if they would let us know if Dr. Ramchandra had come. But they would put off. We would eagerly keep looking at every other doctor who passed by , trying to imagine if he was the doc we were waiting for. After a couple of hours,sister told that doc wouldn't come to OPD since his child was sick. We had come all the way from Karwar to hear this. I was in my 10th standard and board exams were less than a month away. This sudden lump like growth under my right ear had caused anxiety and the doctors in Karwar had suggested to see someone in Manipal or Hubli. March 4th was a special day. It was the annual prize distribution ceremony and I was notified that I had won first prize in Sanskrit like the year before. This year I had also won best all rounder of the year along with some other prizes. I had missed that event because we had to come to see the doctor in Manipal, and I think that was the last felicitation I would have ever attended for my lifetime. I really miss it to date. I used to buy books from the prize money I had won. The previous year I had bought books on Thomas alva edison, Stephen hawking and books related to machines ,magnetism. Those days my dream was to build a flying object which would have its own magnetic field around it and since similar poles repel , this thing would have a field against earth's and glide easily without any resistance. This basically is flawed, but as a high schooler, this was my fantasy which was obviously influenced by X-Files. Back to March 4th Manipal. I asked my father to leave as soon as possible, so that we can reach home before 9 and I would catch X-Files. So desperate ! hehe!. But we could only start from Udupi( Town near Manipal) at 10 in the night. After this day I do not remember what went on till my board exams were over. I had studied hard and in those days there was no issue of lack of concentration. I would just sit on a bed and start studying and get lost with it. I was pretty nervous during the exams not because of the usual exam fear. Infact I used to love exams, may be because of the holidays that lay on the other side of it :). The reason for fear was beacuse I had heard these stories of people using unfair means to copy in the exams and to escape from it they would pass it onto someone sitting nearby. Like they would throw the chits under someone else's bench. This had caused a lot of worry for me. What if I was made the scape goat for some one else's sin? The anti copying squad would simply whisk me away. But nothing of that sort happened and I finished my exams, and if I remember correctly I did not regret for having done any one exam bad. Like I said, the holidays were important to me :D.
That very same day one of my friends Vivek was leaving Karwar and he had asked all friends for a photo session. We were probably 5-6 of us. I had to finish this quickly since me and father had planned to see a doctor in Kaiga. Hence I rushed to the studio. I remember it was cloudy and humid on an early April afternoon. We the teenagers had nothing else than to discuss except movies atleast on the day exams had ended, and we were discussing every other movie that released; Jeans to Ishq. After the photo session we departed, and it was the last time I have seen of Vivek. Few weeks back I heard his voice on phone after 8 years, it was totally different. It's strange you bump into people after a long time and things have changed so much about that person that you wish it were the same person once again. Same evening we went to Kaiga to see that homeopathy doctor and came back at night. There is only one good hangout place in Karwar which is the beach. Except rainy season it is the best place you can on a sombre evening gazing at the sunset. You, the horizon and that huge red ball sinking into the water, and nothing else in between. I used to meet my langotiya yaar( close friend) and classmate Nagraj, everyday on the beach, during holidays. We had never a dearth of topic to talk about. Obviously girls and crushes were a major hot topic in our talks. This was all that I was, a very common small town guy dreaming about stars , space and Indian institute of Astronomy. I can sense that frustration building inside you if you are reading this expecting some twist in the story..I want to apologise for this. I am telling this story only to give you a small picture of my life before the summer of '98. Keep reading..

Questions

After some time again..
This time I have musings about myself. I am in an introspective mode.
I have a few questions for me..
1. Why am I shy to mix with people?
2. Why am I wary of showing my talents? What prevents me?
3. Why do I always not take action on any good idea I have? Why is it that my brainstorming session on the new idea ends up in negative result?
4. Why cannot I act on one thing at a time not bothering about anything else?
5. What is purpose of my life?
The last one was a bit too common question. Everyone has this question I suppose.

A quote

George Bernard Shaw once said :

“ The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all the progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

Don - A review

Today ,I resort into a territory which I have never ventured so far into, but have always had a strange sense of liking for it.
I want to write a review about a movie.
This fateful movie happens to be none other than the recent release DON starring SRK and others directed by Farhan Akthar.
Monday evening, back from office and at a loss to think about anything I could do. Suddenly this idea flashed to my mind, to go and catch a movie since it had been quite a while. Sometimes I have been praising and patting my back for having made a decision to purchase a bike, because of instances like these. I think of something and there I have my bike, and off I go. Sheer independence and the joy of riding added!. I bought a ticket for a 9:30 show. Since I had 2 more hours at my disposal, decided to savour the Monday evening crowd at the Forum. Bought a new pair formal shoes too since the old one was starting to fall apart. Finally the movie started after a painful series of crappy ads. The green tinted screen showing the titles along with the melancholic background score serves as a prelude to the story which is going to unfold. Though I do not recollect having seen the original version on good old DD, SRK according to me has done enough justice to the original role with his typical feverishness(Some call it Overacting) and style statements. Story in itself is surprisingly different ,going by the current trend of movies.
Had it only been not a remake, but an original version by Farhan- Who I think is capable of such feat-, it would have been regarded as phenomenal; a trendsetter like RGVs Satya.
The dialogues to me appeared a little lose and sounded like narrating the story themselves, leaving little work for the audience to scratch and find the story. I was definitely comparing the Farhan of 'DCH' and 'Lakhshya' when it came to dialogues. I think Farhan, in an attempt to adopt a different style has gone a little slack in this regard. Action scenes were on par with the highest standards of bollywood in my opinion and that particular chase sequence
where police almost hunt down the Don, was to me, great!. Though hollywood action scenes are a far cry from what we see in bollywood, it is good to find such action movies raising the bar everytime and I can see that, some day a full fledged bollywood action movie of that standard will be a reality. Indian movies are incomplete without songs, and this one is no exception.
Remixes of the original version are pleasent to the ear, thanks to the neat work done by Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy. Picturisation is glitzy and colourful with lust filled dance sequences to top it. Very few individual performances come to mind, if I were to recollect. SRK has given the best he could, which one can sense, and more important is nowhere in the movie does he try to imitate BigB. And he carries the role comfortably. I have not liked SRK in romantic flicks but I think he has done his job brilliantly here. Especially that deadly snarl on his face when he smashes that cigarette butt. But he just cannot be a bhaiyya. Remember the airtel ad in which he tries to imitate UP accent? He sucks, and he hasn't been doing any catchin’ up I believe, since he doesn't succeed to bring out that Vijay, who is the look alike of Don, here either. Boman Irani, as we all know has great potential and can very well slip into the shoes of the likes of Naseerudhin shah and Ompuri. But he just cannot do Kung-Fu, no matter how original he tries to be, neither his facial expressions nor his body support him in the act. I was not sure if Farhan had ever tried to keep the story a suspense, unassuming the original was no different than this. Because right after the chase sequence which I mentioned earlier, it is pretty evident that Boman Irani has fishy hands.This was kind of a let down for me, for I never expected it to be such a give away :(. Other than this, Priyanka Chopra and Isha koppikar do enough justice to their roles with the limited capabilities they have. Isha was a little better I felt,or does she have that 'buri billi' kind of look on her face? I'm not sure!. Arjun Rampal never comes out of the brooding image of his. Nevertheless he tries to act. SRK is aging, which is evident from the lines on his forehead and drooping cheeks and it's hard to cover it up with makeup. Last but not the least, that blood on SRK's teeth looks more real than it does on any other hero :D. I have been observing this right from ‘Baazigar’ and ‘Darr’. Very few can bleed so well like him ;).
All in all an entertainer, as it is proving to be. Churning out a lot both in India and abroad. 'Not to be missed' ,would not be an overstatement.

That was my first movie review! Phew!

Test Cleared!!

Yeaaaaaaaaaah!!!! I cleared the test successfully. Got a 72%. I can party now!!!

And Back!

It has been quite a while since I wrote something. Thought it's time to put on the writing gear once again. Though I cannot think of anything in particular to write about, I can still present a picture of my current standing! Hmm... Well! I am studying currently(No seriously!). After a long time I have been studying for something , a certification. I surely would not have, if this was not made mandatory in my company. Besides they have made this a pre requisite for compensation review of the coming cycle :(. I have to complete this by December else I would be left in the lurch. When is the exam?? It's tomorrow! :S. Then what am I doing now?.. I thought I'l' take a break!. What better way of breaking than writing out. One more reason, I have been studying so passionately is to save the rest of the winter from weekends like this, where I will dig myself into Java books and questions hoping to clear the test. The whole weekend goes into drain. By the way, I have come to office on a Sunday :( , hoping to catch up with some topics whose material I do not have at home. Hopefully I will make it this time round . :)

POW

Not prisoner of war :D..; pearl of wisdom, dropping right out of my partially smiling lips-

" Life's confusion and dissappointment can be ovecome with one single thought, which is, ignoring the unimportant thoughts without discretion, and holding tight to the correct ones" .

But the knowledge of what is right or important and what is not, is a huge thing in itself and requires a lot of study and patience.

I live for myself

Two of them were sitting on a bench by the swimming pool after a nice lunch on a sunny afternoon. A gentle breeze every now and then rustled the leaves. One of them initiated the conversation," What are your thoughts on helping the people in need?, as in how would you go about this?, whom will you approach?". The other person looking at the cool blue water in the pool, said," As of now I can only, think of this , but when it comes to actually doing it .. well!". The other guy said," Would you donate something to the organizations or how about starting something on your own?". He placed his palms on his face rubbing the unshaven chin and said,
" There are already so many people and organizations doing this! why would I go and start something on my own, when I am not very specific as to what exactly I want to achieve. If it is my life's sole purpose , then I would no doubt do this". He continued," Besides I am right now concerned only about myself, my interests , my career. Anything I do is directly originating out of my interest and my personal gain. I read,because it is going to benefit me. Hence right now I can't think of doing much for others!". There was a sense of surprise on his face, and he replied,trying to hide it," Yeah! ". This person, still staring at the waters, thinking of something deeply,said to himself," I do everything for my own gain! I did Art of living for my personal gain.I had no intention of helping the society. I can't think of something, without it serving a purpose for me, my survival. A thing carries no meaning to me if doesn't cater to my personal interest. I am selfish!!".

This conversation happened between me and my friend Srinivas yesterday. :)

What was wrong till that night?

It was 10 at night. The exaust and the dust had ultimately started to settle down, making way for oxygen to seep in . Whole market was over with the hustle bustle of the day and people were unparking their vehicles and heading home. I finished my dinner and trudged onto the otherwise busy pavement and was loitering around when I heard these voices," Look at them ! they are so beautiful!! they fight wow! cmon there! wow what a shot!" .
There were a group of people surrounding a middleaged man who was doing some kind of puppet show.He was a dwarf but pretty well built.It was nothing like I have seen. Two small dolls were fighting against each other. It was as graphic as it could get! they were launching themselves into the air ,somersaulting, kicking the opponent hard, ducking underneath, trying to floor one another.It was as real as two tiny wrestlers out of Gulliver’s travels on the pavement putting up a good show. I had stopped and was witnessing this show
wide eyed,like a kid, awestruck. I was wondering when did toys started coming with embedded AI and sold on street side ! Boy! :0
But slowly I could trace a thin thread running into the hands of the man!,he was dexterous in maneuvering the thread in such intricate ways. Meanwhile those little toys were beating the hell out of each other. If I had bought it,I doubt if would ever be able to host any show like this.And to top it all there was a running commentary in broken English!
After a while the show ended and the crowd having had free fun, started dispersing. I crossed the road and helped myself onto one of the empty benches.Trying to feel the fresh air, I noticed , the man had wound up for the day and carrying his little 'potlee' and he asked a rickshawala.. no guesses the reply was a no!. He was a dwarf as I already mentioned! and had a strange style of walking.He ran across the busy road and into the bus stand. He looked at a few buses here and there and slowly disappeared from my view.
I dont know if he boarded a bus or simply chose to walk. My gaze shifted to the place onto the pavement where he had put up that show.A sense of pity and shame ran through me. I dont know why! I felt sorry for and at the same time a sense of appreciation for the brave dwarf man! Without any delay I placed my rather tall image looking down and out ,besides his, and asked myself a question," What is wrong with me?". This incident kind of changed my perspective.A paradigm shift,though of a small degree. Its wonderful that such simple incidents teach us valuable lessons.
I am Grateful to god, not one but in many ways! :)

Bangalored...

Title reminds us of the newspapers proudly flashing this with regard to the success of BPO in India. My 'Bangalored' is more concerned with the common Bangalorean or some outsider who has visited Bangalore. This is more of a sarcastic version of the original one which was infact coined as a jealous praise. Though I am not at all near an authority to write on this topic, I just am crying as every one else. It represents not only mine but every other Bangalorean's frustration who has been in the rush hour traffic, or been threatened by the flood waters in his living room. Yes! you can probably use this as a sarcastic and unpleasent remark if you are stuck in that horrible traffic next time. I get Bangalored every now and then, travelling to E-city on Hosur road , or Bannerghatta road. Fortunately I have not had any other bad experiences with this city apart from this.
I work in electronics city which is accessible from the city through the notorius Hosur road. A lot has been said and heard about this tainted road, in newspapers to cabinet meetings. Now some action seems to be taking place after a long time. Let me give you a brisk ride on the hosur road. It starts from the Silk board flyover ,acting as the traffic easer for the busy Madivala junction. Then there is this huge stretch of road wide enough for 3 buses, flanked by swanky glass buildings and small petty shops alike, on both sides. For people from the nearby villages this road is like the lifeline as is for the IT companies in E-city. There are quite a few important companies along the road, Wipro, Novell, HTMT to name a few. And there is a Gold hill square - home to Bosch, Sasken and HCL -which is one of the major bottlenecks. It is believed that on the way back home from office , if you cross Sasken, you are done with half of your share of traffic jam for today because after this point there is more or less free moving traffic. Virtually at every junction, you find that traffic coming to a halt and a huge pile of automobiles honking at each other creating undue noise. Please note you will find very few autos on this road. Its the swanky cars and two wheelers careening their way through the pile,and offcourse the Infosys buses. I hope that one day when the elevated highway from silk board to E-city will be complete, all this chaos will be a sweet or bitter memory. This slow slush(In the top view ;)) of vehicles is till Electronics city, a major hub of IT co.s in Bangalore. For every commuter who travels on the stretches of pothole ridden, clogged Bangalore roads , word 'Bangalored' brings a sarcastic smile onto the lips. Tell me if I am wrong here. And for the non IT people, its the rising cost of living and the flooded areas of outer skirts of Bangalore( IT ppl also complain about this no less!). Bangalore's traffic is overflowing onto the pavements. If you don't believe me, please try to take a stroll on BTM ring road at 7 in the evening. Don't complain if you are run over by a two wheeler. So is the population. I dont think Bangalore can take it anymore at this pace of growth, unless something is done at ground level. We have to act before the word 'Bangalored' will be recorded in the dictionary for a phenomenon which occurs when a city bursts at the seems at a time when it's own growth becomes it's enemy. No Bangalore! you cannot go down like this!.

Saturday noon Lunchathon

You know wat?.. Burrrrp!! ... oooops!.. wait that was the result out of the frustration of not getting a parking slot for my little bike in and around Jayanagar 4th Block...Confused eh?.. yea.. It's a saturday .. like any other..
It was 12:00 noon today and my stomach had given me enough calls for lunch time.Off I go on my 'fresh out of service' bike, to fill in. I roam around the whole of 4th block, from Adigas to cool joint, the cross roads and one ways, and I come back to where I started; NO SIR.. it's easy to find a house in Bangalore but You will be really very lucky if you get a parking slot for ur bike during peak shopping hours. But today it was terrible, adding to my frustration, arising out of my incessently running nose. It's still running like Jog falls!!- both nostrils.. :P..Thus my lunchathon halted at my room. Frustration sometimes helps you in many ways. I decided that today was the day.. I have to have lunch at MTR, and why not?, I have a strong reason..no parking in Jngr. I called up Prasanna as there was one near his house(duplicate but still). He was busy! Hmm.. I am going to the real genuine MTR on 'helmet road':D. I really don't know the name of the road.. but ever since I have come to Bangalore, I have found this road to be very special, as it has all helmet and auto accessories shop. You will not probably not find any other shop, but line of shops with colorful helmets. That's helmet road for me!. BMP should actually come up with this name,like there is a 'Gali paranthewali' in Delhi.
MTR though famous , still stands shyly on helmet road.The building bears an old look . You will hardly notice her though. Interiors are no different,except a computer at the billing counter. There were a few people booking their lunch.
Yes! I bought a 80Rs. coupon for lunch and went upstairs for the waiting room. There are infact two waiting rooms. Please note TWO WAITING ROOMS. That means you spend more time waiting than having lunch. Yet both halls were full, people waiting for darshan... Oops! I mean the darshan of the thali. I waited for nearly half an hour. I was the only guy who had come without a company. That is why I stress that I should have a girlfriend.. but!.. . Anyways, it was easy for me to get a seat. They call people in batches depending on their roll no. .First come the plates, then a strange kind of juice in a silver lota(was it?!!). Someone there said it was an appetizer. No need as I was hungry already. It was tasty though. Next come the carrot salad, and achar, and kheer and curry. And the pooris . Wow they are so soft and melted in my mouth. And then there came a yellowish thick paste kind of thing. It was a sweet. All I did was take a small sample on my finger and taste it. GOSH!! It was like some drug. Instant high! I have rarely tasted a sweet so good. It was a badam halwa it seems .Next two minutes I was meditating as the sweet spread itself through my brain. I wanted to ask for more, but I am shy you know :$.Then as I was slowly recovering from the sweet surprise, things came and went, the bisibele bath and raitha, rise sambar and rasam, curd rice and..huh!.. Huh!!Burrrrppp!! Ice cream,MTR one. No guesses! that was great too. By this time water resources in my nose had grown in excess and they started flowing. I was just blowing my nose by the time rasam rice came. It was embarassing for me and for the people around,though everyone was enjoying their nice, sumptuous meal with their head held low. And a perfect finish for a perfect lunch, packed in nicely and rolled in tight comes a fresh, green pan. WOW! I couldn't have asked for more!. Great!! I thought my jeans are going to tear off! God save my belly!. I somehow with great difficulty reached my room. What?!! I cant lie down. Something gushes up my throat if I try to. Probably I had overloaded a bit too much.After a few rolls and small walk in the room, I could go to sleep. Wanna MTR ?..not until you don't find a parking space in Jayanagar .. hehe :D

One night's journey

The long weekend is over and leaning onto look out for another weekend,just short of 2 more days :D. Was a nice experience last weekend when I had been home, after more than a month long gap! given its not far than 450kms. Its raining like crazy in those parts and its very chilly indeed . I visited my native Kadatoka and the crowd there were asking me one thing if not anything. Guess!!.. "Ammmm.. I heard Infy is giving away 128 crores as bonus!! did u get it?" .. their tone was filled with such enthusiasm that it was as if I am alone getting that 128 crore!. Believe me ..even I wanted to call my friend to make sure its not 128crore/employee. Anyways hats off to their curiosity to information,living in a world of their own far far away from all this corporate buzz..
Last night when I was travelling back to Bangalore, I was reminded of this strange feeling I have, everytime I do a night's journey. I have this strange bouts of enthusiasm. Suddenly creative thoughts rush to my mind. I am in shock at times seeing the amazing thoughts I have then. This has sort of become a common phenomenon during my journeys. And moreover this happens on my return journeys to Bangalore. This is how it unfolds; I sleep off for a brief period of say an hour or more initially, and then suddenly there is jolt or a stop somewhere,and I wake up. I again try to slip back , but its hard. Then I start gazing at the dark night outside,whizzing past. Meanwhile , my mind, which never stops thinking(most of which is rubbish), embarks on a thought and an unending chain of thoughts unfolds. Its really amazing to observe the thoughts. They are really creative and awe-inspiring. Sometimes I wonder at myself ,"is this me who's thinking all this?". "Boy!! That was a gret saying there!" . " Man!! this idea rocks". " Jesus christ! what was I doin all these days!, I think I should start off on this next morning :)!" Such is the amazement I experience when soak myself in this juice.
Then after a while, which is approximately more than an hour almost always!, I slowly feel drowsy and go to sleep!!.. But the thoughts and the momentary rush of blood to brain still lingers on!. The explanation?!! Well! this is probably because the human mind is like a battery. It might have drained off completely, but a short recharge in the form of rest or a nap can completely recharge it, long enough to last for a couple of hours more!.. Interesting! :) .. I wish I could ride on that wave on and on!.. Then I might need a constant dose of such short spells of energy :$
hmmmmmmmmmmm .... WaiT!!!!
I think I have it already! MY BREATH!! :D . I can change the rhythm.. I can tune to a more racy beat! and dance, dance!.. wowow!! .. I need to!! .. LETS JIGGY!!.. :D

A Small shift

The shift.. the change.. has come..
Firstly I was looking for a different house .. wher I can stay alone.. undisturbed, and probably doing my own things and whims.. I got it.
Its been more than a month and a half since I shifted to my new house in Jayanagar.
And then, closely followed by this( Infact a day later) came a another thing, which has made sure that my life doesn't remain the way it was. I joined an Art of Living course and then things followed. I am very glad that inspite of all the odds, I attended on all 7 days and completely took in whatever was taught by them. It was an exhilirating experience(I am notorious for exaggerating but I am not, this time!).
This sudden shift has given way to a series of smaller shifts.. its happening.. slowly... I can feel the change.. though the remnants haunt me.. trying to take me away again into the depths. I should admit one thing though, that I have not completely implemented all the sutras, like go n talk to a gal.. tel her that she is wearing a nice dress today, take her out for a coffee.. JESUS!! How can I do that?!! :O ..She wil smack the hell out me!! call the security to clear my body..
Yes, definitely I would luuuuuvvvv to ask a nice gal out sometime , but not now!!..
Thus goes the story of a small shift.. now lies ahead a whole new life.. :)..
Pain I might speak, but then its only just the fire for a thousand new lights.

Bad mood

I am in a very bad mood..this is the remainder of yesterday's mood. I am at fault for having let this mood ruin my whole day again! It started yesterday when I went to collect my clothes from the laundry and the guy gave me the same answer he has been giving for the past 1 week, "It hasn't come yet.!" and couple of other excuses. I wanted to bang his head then and there ,cuz I had nothing else to wear the next morning to office!. Then I went to this clothes shop where I had given one of my pants which I had bought a week before and it had shown signs of giving in at the wrong location(Oops!). That guy for the past 1 week has been postponing saying one or the other reason for not being able to get the pant. He had promissed me for yesterday..but again!! Hell! I am spending 30 bucks every evening to go there!
I am going to him once again this evening and want to settle this once and for all!..

Anticipating life

Hi..

Not many things happening at this time ..so nothing much to blog about. I am on a weekend trip to Mysore to meet old friends(not so old!).It's always refreshing to see a face after a year,which you were used to a year back. Anyways I am having fun out here till now. I have always been ranting and making ruckus about things like goal,ambition,purpose of life to myself and to every other person who looks like to be taking it. I always felt or still feel that a person who lives the days just for the sake of it is an utter waste on the face of the planet. And the ball has almost every time rolled to my feet when I look around for such people. I am such a loser,I used to think, until I slowly started sorting things out and seeing things more clearly. I read this the other day which meant,'Not all men can be heroes,some have to sit on pavement and clap when heroes pass by'. Some might take this as an offense to their self pride but I think thats how this world works. There has to be only one winner! and the truly deserving one always wins! like it or not. I dont in anyway rule out the question which naturally arises after this," Why can't that winner be me?". Yes it could possibly be you, but do you know?, or how do you know?.There are millions of them who can do the same shit as you and/or there are so many who are more capable than you, somewhere hidden. I wonder why people take so much of tension when it comes to job. Yes I agree that there has to be a sense of seriousness and responsibility with which every task has to be done. But that doesn't mean you fry your brain out in the process. I was literally struggling to find what I love- the purpose of my life.Really had a tough time in trying to choose one thing that defined a part of me in itself,of which I could call my life a part of, like a word in a sentence,but in vain! Then I began to realise that, if at all there was such a thing which would attract me then it would have by this time. There is no point in searching endlessly for it. Because then it turns out to be something wherein I find everything to be made for myself, ending up more confused. I think its better to tread the road and always be on the look out, offcourse this is different than the previous thing , wherein you lookout for things and just tread the road only to lookout for more. I think I have become more clear and feel happy that this has happened to me . Going for a trip to some place not decided yet!. Look out for the pics - Yes I have a Cam this time :D .

Easy!!..Dude..Easy!!

Huh!!..It's quite Easy to give KT(Knowlegde transfer) to a bunch of people who are more experienced than oneself and do not need any motivation. They are aware that all projects are alike, only the content and context change. I had a very smooth KT and looking forward to be released from here and head back to Bangalore. Not that I own a gr8 business in Bangalore or have a major unfinished assignment,but just for the sake of it(oops!! sounds weird :p).
My stay has been quite nice and refreshing.I should say it was a welcome break from Bangalore, else I would have been lost by this time(Not again!!I am sorry, I dont do it intentionally!!:$) . Bhuabneswar is a quiet city .No large glass buildings to boast of ,no complicated people and finally no miniskirts and heavy makeup!!. Pretty warm at this time. Mercury hitting 40 degrees already.
I had chance to visit some of the nearby places of interest. I had been planning this right since I came to know that I will be travelling to Bbsr. Ultimately on a weekend embarked on a journey to the Sea shore. I was heading for Puri and Konark. The roads,the trees by the side reminded me of NH-17 and my place. Its pretty much the same. I learnt that unlike west coast we dont find hills adjacent to the sea coast. We cant find hills for 300 to 400 km.s from the shore. Its all plain. Geography is varied and the hills too are not continuous and huge like Sahyadri. Interesting!! and this was the reason bbsr and other parts of Orissa were so HOT!!. My first stop was at Konark and the huge temple was visible from a kilometer away. It was hot afternoon but there was no such unbearable heat which I had imagined . May be because of the sea shore nearby. The temple is truly awesome . It sits on stone wheels and these wheels hav been carved in such manner that each wheel shows the time of the day when Sun comes to that point and the Shadows behave like the hour and minute's hand of a clock. I could not stop wondering at the marvel they have created in stone.The temple as such is unfinished and the sculptures are broken and the forces of nature have corroded the minute carvings. There are sex positions which have been depicted on stone . But they have all corroded as the salt content in the air is too much because of being so close to the sea. I felt like a loser as I could not find a camera to accompany me. I could have taken so many pictures.
We headed to Puri from here which is famous for the Puri Jagannath temple.
It was one of the most beautiful drives,along the coast. Reminded me of NH-17 again. Just few days after visiting Puri I learnt that the English word 'Juggernaut' orginates from Jagannath . Interesting eh!! . Puri is just like any other temple town. Reminded me of Gokarna, as Puri also lies on the sea shore. The priests here are very demanding though . They dont let you go unless they get a decent Dakshina. they are standing at every entry point with chopsticks..,(Well not really!!) but they do look like them ,to bless you and stretch their hand for Dakshina , and more interestingly they did this only with me :( as I was not wearing a simple dhoti kurta . Idol of lord Jagannath is huge. The garabhagudi is like a huge hall unlike the small ones we are used to seeing in South Indian temples. Things change as you travel across the country !! well how true!!..Went to the Puri beach and tasted the Bay of bengal waters,it's salty man!! At one point I thought I will watch the sunset and go. But it appeared quite late to this dumbhead that THIS IS EAST COAST!! So used to Arabian sea coast u know!!:$ . It was time to head back home. Happy after the trip and a sense of achievement that ,I can plan too!!. :) Its so Easy!! again!!

To Bhuvaneswar

Hi folks,
I am in Bhuvaneswar, from Bangalore..nearly a 1000 km.s away. It was my first long train journey alone. Yes I felt strange as u guys r feeling now. I left Bangalore on Saturday(6th Feb) aftnun . Had to travel to Chennai as i did not get a ticket directly from Bangalore to Bhuvneswar.
It was a nice journey. First time into Tamilnadu. Believe me I can't forget the views of the green fields beside the train tracks. It was just beautiful. And the rocky hills too..They are like huge rocks of different sizes and shapes tied with a rope in an amazing knot and thrown onto a small mudyy hill. Its always a different view for someone who has seen trees on the hills. I like it.
Sun had set over the beautiful landscape. It was Chennai @ 8:30. Someone said Chennai is urrrrrrr..hot!..Yes it indeed is.. .I was walking with my luggage on the platform and sweat seeped out on my forehead, again ..it was 8:30PM. I called my friend Vinay who was still in office. After 10 mins he came to the station and it was a meeting after a one and a half years. Pleased to see him. We had dinner and discussed our lives . It was time ,10:30 was the next train: Chennai - Howrah.
I boarded the train and Vinay bid me adieu and left . I had a middle berth. Believe me its not at all comfortable to take a middle berth. But I had no choice.
Since then it was just the train the tracks and stations whizzing past..One after the other . Did manage to catch some sleep during night. Someone told me in the morning that train was late by 3 Hours at Vijayawada. We were to reach there by 5:00 in the early morning but we were there only by 8:00. I was kind of apprehensive because it was just half the way and we were behind schedule. Correct time to reach Bhuvanswar was 9:00 on Sunday night. If it gets late then it might be very late in the night and difficult for me to get an Auto or Taxi to Infy which is far away from the city. But next to my seat were people from Bhuvaneswar and they told me not to panic as there will be taxis late night. I confined myself to the shanty berth and started reading The Rainmaker. It's a typical John Grisham. Later in the evening I spoke to some of the co passengers. Two of them were travelling to Bhuvaneswar.
It was 11:30 in the night when train reached Bhuvaneswar. It was pretty cool outside. These two guys from Bhuvaneswar helped me in getting a fair deal with the Autowala. Finally he settled for 70 bucks. 20 mins drive from the station to the DC and there I am. Autowala asked for 10 bucks more as he had to come inside the campus.
Done..
Got the room keys and it was lower berth and a smoother couch :)..zzzzzzzzzz....

Lord of the Seven hills

HI,
This weekend, I along with few of my friends had visited Tirupati - The place where Lord Vishnu resides . Here goes my experience on our visit to the 'Vaikuntha' .
All Thanks should go to Bhaskar who had planned and booked the tickets for us. Thanks to his contacts there, we had an easy Darshan and stay also.
Our trip was scheduled on 7th January. We were actually four of us(Me,Prakhyat,Sravan,Bhaskar) till three of Prakhyat's colleagues joined in(Harish,Vishnu and Raveendra). We started at 7:30 on a cool Saturday morning from Majestic . It was a KSRTC Volvo(A.C) bus , and believe me it was more than comfortable, added to it were the roads which I can say were simply superb (After Bangalore city limits offcourse). They were playing Rajkumar and Ambika starrer 'Chalisuva Modagalu' on the bus . I blamed myself for having not seen the movie before, after watching it. It was a nice movie, especially the song 'Jenina Holeyo' .
We reached Tirupati at around 1:00( I dont exactly remember the timings ,only the duration -adjust maadi) . Plan was to tread the path to the feet of the lord , on foot . We took Autos to the place ,where the footpath to the temple on the hill starts . We had some snacks and juices ,thinking that a lunch will be too heavy. We were right!! ..We started off at the base at around 2:15 after offering pooja at the temples there. The huge Gopuram invited us . Since then it was all haldi-Kumkum laced steps and the town of tirupati below, slowly getting tinier. We could hear every one of us breathing heavily, which we are not used to. I was sweating!! Yes after a long time my sweat glands were like yippiee!! . An observant Bhaskar said to Sravan "Andaru baga rubbtunnaru!"(Every one is breathing heavily) . It was after 1 hour of climbing approximately, we reached another point where there is another Gopuram. We stopped there and took a look back at the Tirupati town ,which at this height was visible in its wholeness. "It is quite a big town!!" ,I uttered . From here its an easy road, said someone . Huh!! felt Relieved . After some distance there was a heaven or it appeared to us - A line of tapris . The scent of hot mirchi bajji and the sound of hot Dosas being poured was inviting us(oops! I'm hungry now!) . We were hungry n tired n thirsty . We started off with idlis, everyone preferring to keep the intake within limits. But the taste was awesome and we had Prakhyat . It was tempting - so one more round, and Dosas, and mirchi bajjis after a 'no-no oily food' session . There goes sravan with Lemon Soda,"Man its nice!!" - OK one Lemon Soda each. It was one real filling session we were happy, Burrrppp!!! .But Prakhyat was not showing signs of stopping!! :-).
From here our second session of climbing started . The tiredness was gone by this time and we were up on our feet . Here on there was no 60 degree climbing except for some distance in between . We did dig into some chats and lemon sodas along the way . Probably we took too many breaks in between, and our projected time reaching Tirumala was getting further away. In between we have to walk along the road. We had some very nice points offering the breathtaking views of the scenery around. We took some snaps there and proceeded. Finally after 4 and a half hours of marathon walking we reached Tirumala. By this time our bare feet were crying for attention and legs on the verge of getting cramped . The main purpose was still to be served.
Tirumala is a very clean and cool town. It was 6:30 in the evening and the fog was slowly starting to settle on the town. From here it was all Bhaskar, who contacted the people, got the bookings done and got the rooms. Our darshan was to be at 8:30 . We settled into the rooms and took bath in cold water which we were apprehensive about, and were fearing that it might freeze our nerves and tear our skins. Thankfully nothing happened. We had to wait for sometime before we got into the queue. It was getting cold. Bhaskar's acquaintance made us through the gate and soon we were into the queue. It was moving pretty fast and before I could sense the might and the energy of the temple's stone walls we were near the Lord. Cheers of "Venktaramana Govinda... Gooovindaaa!!" were everywhere. As I approached the inside of the Garbhagudi, I could sense that fearlessness and the energy within me . I didn't know when it took my senses into its embrace. Before the beautifully decorated lord Vishnu, I felt for one moment , " I'm blessed!!" . It was truly an overwhelming and enlightening experience. It was like I am a nobody, just a mere lump of flesh before the glory of the lord. We came out , drenched in happiness. All the tiredness had disappeared, not surprisingly after the Darshan. We decided to have the prasadam and made ourselves into the spacious dining hall. It was a truly satisfying meal and we happily came out of the temple. Every person gets 2 free Laddoos with one Darshan ticket. After collecting the Laddoos we decided to do some shopping. Our legs were reminding us to wrap it up and go back to our rooms. But we overcame the pain to help ourselves with some memorabilia and called it a day.
Next morning we decided to visit some of the other places nearby. We came out and found that fog had embraced the whole of Tirumala. It was a beautiful sight to see the white mist kissing the roads and trees and the headlights emerging from the thick fog. It was a perfect winter morning . Bhaskar and Sravan went to the Laddoo counter and got some extra Laddoos. We got into the local bus and made it to Papanashanam . Here fresh water from the reservoirs above in the hills seeps out of the stone walls . It is believed that this holy water will cleanse you off all your sins. We headed back and on the way did some shopping for idols and other items. Harish, Vishnu and Ravi hadn't booked their tickets and had to rush. Luckily we got a bus headed for Bangalore which was about to leave in another 20mins. We rushed to the rooms and redistributed the extra Laddoos and the packed their bags. We thanked each other for such a nice company and promised to keep in touch .The bus was ready and they headed for Bangalore . We came back and prepared to make a move. We had plans to visit Kanipakam, half an hour from Tirupati town which has the temple of Padmavati-Lord Venkateshwara's wife. But Bhaskar had to get room deposits reimbursed. We had to roam around the whole of Tirumala for almost an hour to find the counter where we had to get the reimbursements. Unluckily that counter guy had gone for the lunch and we had to wait in the queue. By the time things got settled and we came to the bus stand, it was already late and there was little chance that we would have made it before 5:00 to catch the bus back home, after visiting Kanipakam. We came down to Tirupati and had a nice Andhra lunch at a nice hotel. It was exactly the time and we got into the bus back to Bangalore. Memories still lingering and a tremendous satisfaction after our dream to visit Tirupati came true ,which was due for the past one year. I thank each one of us who was part of this journey . Hope we will have such trips every now and then. Thank you...

4/1/2006

Sitting in the office waiting for some work to come my way ....waiting till the clock ticks 10'o'clock for that routine onsite call..can be really stagnating... It really makes you think , to do something more sensible(Like coding !! Most of my frens wil want to kill me now!) . But it wont let you because it has spread the poison .
Its a slow poison . You won't know when it started taking u in ..when it spread through ur brain ..intoxicating and paralysing you ...but you will still be alive till that moment of death.

This is a software engineer ..always thinking he has been earning more than his father used to at this age...always dreaming about the 6 figure bank balance at the end of the year(which is next to impossible)....and finally dreaming of that dream girl who will come into his life and caress his tired fingers !! . Tryin to find that gal in evry other female like human being; right from the receptionist to cubiclemate or to someone waiting for the bus.

How strange are human requirements and the different stages a human being is inevitably made to go through(Atlest someone who doesnt dare enuf to break the rules n not follow the 'path to b taken') .
I see these strange creatures who right through their graduation do nothing other than cramming up things , just bcos it had equations which they cannot inderstand , but unfortunately is a 10 marker in the question paper next morning . They want to score marks , more and more of them . But they won't really care about how things work . They want jobs . They are bound to get them after they blind the interviewer with the weight of the marks in their resumes . Now is the moment of real test of their manship . They want a girl , just for passin some time off in the office cafe or for some serious relationship . I have seen people desperately vying with each other for that 'Ms. My gal ' . Some or most are successful in whatever their motives .
This string of events and the responses of a normal human being to them is so amazing. All of us do it , most, completely unaware of it, or of whats drivin us. We are all running , to noland ..no one really knows or don't bother to . I dont know if I have been a faiure in all these normal aspects of a young 24 year old male,just because I have been stopppin,turning bak n takin notice of such common things , way too often . And I really dont bother( but i have started) . But such things still amazes me inspite of the ease with which they can be shrugged off as pretty normal .
Something must be wrong . I really dont know . I have to find an answer to all this .

HAP NEW YEAR!!

Its 2006!!..Ushered in the new year with a sober celebration..
NDTV Flashing the news next morning.."India enters new year without any incidents" ...what abt. my hangover?:-o

Resolutions!!

Well!! another popular thingie ..Nothin much! -try to b a gud human being-(i was not copyin ne of the celebrities!!c'mon)..
This time for myself..manage myself well,n things lik that..nothin in specific...C ya til the nxt post..i'll try my best to keep u hooked to 'spotdead'...well that cud've bn a nicer resolution..