Across the seas

It has been more than 4 months since I landed in US. Got busy with setting up things and with work. I have been trying really hard to get back to active blogging off late. Hopefully this post will kick things off once again :) .
I started on 25th July from Bangalore. I will never forget that day neither will Bangalore. One of my friend commented after I landed here that I left Bangalore with bursting of crackers. :) . Bangalore's Tryst with Terror was unfortunately that day. I got to know the news from one of my friend from Chandigarh when busy stuffing things into my check in luggage. I managed to book a taxi to Airport and arrive 4 hours ahead of schedule to the airport. My itinerary was from Bangalore -> Paris -> Newyork -> Minneapolis . I was flying for the first time, infact entering an airport for the first time . I walked towards boarding the flight after waiting overnight since it was delayed by 5 hours. Flight captain and an air hostess wished us ' bon jour , have a nice flight ! ' with a nice smile . Since it was dark , I was not able to figure out when the Air France flight had come to the runway. It started to seem like an eternity and all of a sudden flight jerked and gained an insane speed and I was pushed back to my seat. I could hear the whirring of the wheels under me and in no time we had taken off and I could see the lights below. And few minutes later I could see the clouds floating in the dark sky underneath. Temperature reading on the display panel infront of me was going down. I was awake for most part of the journey and I could see the landscape below me ; the rivers , mountains ,villages , fields . I kept wondering if I could pause here for a moment and zoom in on the lives of the people there . It indeed seemed like time was going faster on the plane when I looked at the almost still earth below. Eintstein could not have gone wrong.!!
I saw snow capped montains which I thought were the Alps and consoled myself. :) . As the flight approached Paris, still pictures below , started come to life and gave an impression that time has started moving there. I could see speeding trucks on highways. The fields were all immaculately arranged one adjacent to the other in all colours. All this resembled a complex geometrical structure who's area we had to find dividing the whole area into simpler geometries, back in high school.
Flight touched down at Charles de Gaulle at 1:00 PM local time. And I caught the next flight to New york at 3:00 PM. This was a boring journey and all I could see was the vast ocean below.
My port of entry formalities at New york took some time. There were long queues but everyone welcoming people with smile and patience. Quite unusual to someone from India who has been the target of bad attitudes in public service. A banner on one of the pillars read ' Let us welcome everyone to our country but not compromising the safety of the great nation of ours' . I knew Americans are really proud of their nation. This was one glimpse of it.
In all this I managed to miss my custom check . I do not know how I sneaked through. Infact I forgot completely that I need to go to custom check once I collect my check-in luggage. :) . I had to go to domestic terminal to catch the next flight to Minneapolis. And as I stepped out of the international airport , I could feel this crisp warm gush of air sweeping across the whole place. Yeah I was in the US of A and there was something different here! . Fortunately I did not have any problem in checking in my luggage into the next flight . No one seemed to bother about the custom check and the forgetful me ! 3 more hours of flying across the US and I was in Minneapolis. My friends were waiting there at the baggage section looking for me as I descended down the escalators. Seeing familiar faces after 14 long hours was good. ! They hugged me and said , ' Welcome to America! , how was your flight ? : ) ' .

Shift

Finally some free time! 2 weeks ago it wasn't like this. Life changes colors and hues like the sky.
Some realisation that I felt like putting on the record. Two weeks ago my dad met with a small accident and injured his knee. It was under strange circumstances. Though he had driven for more than 50 kms that day without any problem, this incident had to happen at the gate.
As it is commonly said, worst of the things went away as a small mishap. True! . He was hospitalised for a week and had to undergo a surgery.
As I was depressed over all this, something gave me and my family a relief. It was the constant presence and support of close relatives.Luckily almost all of my close relatives live within 100km range of my town. Not a single day went by with no one visiting the hospital.
Of course half of the credit has to go to my Dad for being the charmer he has been ;) . As I kept thinking and thanking, I imagined a reciprocal situation.Imagining no close ones near you when you are in trouble and life has pushed and shoved you to the wall. That would be some worst nightmare, but nevertheless possible.
Imagine a city like Bengalooru, and you, who starts off with a life ,where privacy is more than respected.Your survival is decided by the lifestyle points you earn on a scale of 10. Anything modern and new is embraced and old is gaped at doubtfully with a scorn.
I am not generalising this , but the tides are sweeping us to a different way of life than what most of our earlier generation or generation before that ,lived.
A joint family was one concept where 3 or more generations lived under the same roof sharing everything they had, with each other. It had the maturity of the old generation
along with the energy of youth and the innocence of the kids. Of course this was an ideal scenario and at a finer level, it had its own flaws. But still this way of living scores over the current nuclear families where the gap is ever widening and approach to life is more materialistic. Looking at 2008 or beyond, socially or economically, joint families or something close to it, is not a possibility. But may be we can loosen our necks a bit, look around, try to smile once in a while. Appreciate often, accept people as they are.Try not to force all 'My' rules onto 'Them'. All this came to my mind and I thought, what if we were alone, it would be a lot tougher indeed. While all this cleared up there was my cousin sister of 10
asking me out to play hide and seek in the hospital :) .

New look

This is the new look of my blog. Chose this template and did some tweaking with the html stylesheets. Took more than 3 hours to see what exactly is written in the style sheet. Finally we have this! :) .. Feedbacks are welcome. In fact its one your feedbacks that made me change the previous dark backgrounded template.

Internet at home

Logging in from home! Feels different blogging from the comfort of home.. :)

Speaking tree

I was just coming out of a restaurant after my dinner, a middle aged gentleman, who looked like the HOD of my dept. back in college, accosted me, saying,” Excuse me!".
Me : Yes!
Gentleman : I think I have met you before! Do you work for XYZ computers?
Me : (What the heck?)
Me : No sir ! I do not!.. I work for Dilbert software services in electronic city!
Gentleman : Ahh!.. but then I remember I have seen you somewhere! Were you in that management seminar in Leela palace ?
Me : (Oh yeah !!?? Lol! Must be my previous life!)
Me : (A gentle smile)Nooo!..
Gentleman : Anyway! pleased to meet you, I am "Mr. socialiser"
Me : Pleased to meet you sir! I am "Mr. dumb"
Gentleman : Here is my card! I will get in touch with you
Me : (Thinking why someone would simply give their card to a stranger)Oh thanks!
Here is my card too!
I was thinking like, Wait a minute! This guy says he works for a s/w co. and looks like
a senior. Is he trying to poach me?..:-00 Wow.! Am I worth so much? <:-)))))
I was blushing all over! . As I walked home, I was getting all prepared for the interview call from
this s/w co. And yes I did get a call the next day ....
Gentleman : Is this Dumbo!?
Me: Yeaaaaa!
Gentleman : This is Mr. poacher . Remember ? we met last night.
Me : (Heeeeehoooo) Ya ya! (How can I not?)
Gentleman : Dumbo, we are a small group of people working together for a globally recognised company,
with interesting business prospects.
Me: (Start up?!!)
Gentleman(continues) : We work in our free time and make extra money which gives us
financial freedom!
Me : (I started smelling what all this was about)Ook Ook!
Gentleman : So dumbo, would you like to join us and work in your free time and earn
extra income and be financially free ?
Me : (How could someone repeat something so precisely?)
Me : No! Is this something like selling soaps and detergents? and making more people under you to sell the same ?
Gentleman : (Stutters)Amm..! not quite...
and goes onto blabber!..
I said, I have already had such presentations and would not be interested and hung up on this Mr. networker.
Now I was faced with a different kind of scene a few months before this incident. I was having my breakfast quietly at office food court and on the same table, was a gentleman having his. He was in a senior position too which I learnt later. I was reading the book "The monk who sold his Ferrari" and it was resting beside my plate. This man picked up a topic on the book and started conversing. It was good talking to him. We became friends over a couple of meetings. But he ended up coming to a group of people and the same thing again. But since this "Illuminati" was unknown and unheard by me hitherto,
I got interested, thinking that these might be some high thinking individuals engaged in some motivational workshops. I, infact went with him to a seminar to a far away place, cutting across the hosur road traffic on his bike, inhaling all the dust and smoke.
There, it was nothing less than a mass conversion gathering. People were crazy, cheering someone who had made a lot of money, by the virtue of having joined the business earlier and had found a larger pool of wannabes. I came out of the seminar without even informing my friend. I do not have anything personal against these ambitious networkers.
But I cannot stop myself from questioning the authenticity and sustainability of such business plans and organizations. The surprise part of it is even I have become a member of one of these businesses. I am now on one of the branches of a huge tree. And I am wondering why? did I really have a burning passion to make it big?.
All these companies irrespective of their marketing plan, binary or multilevel, have one mantra in common "Financial freedom and freedom from your boss".
Now, going by the mental state of almost all of the working class public, it is evident that hardly anyone is 100% happy with their job. Everyone is in need of something which will pay them more for working less. And thus these organizations cash in on this factor.
They promise you to enable you take an early retirement from your job and lots of free time and a constant source of income for the rest of your life. And in addition they have these smart men/women who know how to deliver a piece of information in an awe inspiring manner, with all their impeccable body language and other public speaking know hows. So these are here to stay for a while and are one of the societal landmarks of our times if you can call it so. But, what if all the job holders ended up in this business and there will be no one left to do the jobs ? How will you travel? if no one drove your bus,train or flew your plane. What will you eat?if no one got their hands dirty in the field. Such questions pop up and I end up saying "Lets hold!". I do not want to start networking unless I am totally convinced, both on the ethical and legal front( The chances appear bleak!) . When it comes to job satisfaction, I have realised that, "You do what you love or love what you do. If you have not found what you love, go find it!". I have no offences meant to any person or organization or its strategy. It is just my personal opinion and random musings about one more trap I walked into :(. And my suggestion to anyone getting into this is, be passionate and dream for big, else this is surely going to become one more deadweight on your back and no less painful than your job.
So, the next time when I call you to meet up for lunch, please do not avoid me for the fear that I might hang you onto one of those branches. :)
Cheers to life!

Leopard Attack

It was a deforested hill, a small one, which you find in coastal areas. A muddy road cutting across the slopes. A path running from the main road sloped down to the bottom of the hill, shrubs and small trees on both sides of it. The hill had been leveled at places all along the slope for cultivation. I was walking down the hill on the walkway(if u might call it!) and the sight on both my sides was, a plane with some remaining uncut crops and grass, and the slope running down, and another plane down the hill. I was visualizing how this would look like from another distant hill, like steps carved onto it. I remember I had come with someone on a bike and he met someone on the road and was busy chatting while I had decided to take a walk down the hill. Sun was shining hard. I loitered around onto one of the plane areas besides the walkway and was trampling upon the dry cut out crop enjoying the crispy sound it made under my feet. I remembered someone telling leopards roaming these hills and attacking humans.
,,,Zap!! -Lyonkwyonknchihgkonk – rewind to the road,,,
I am still walking on the sloped path and the leopard thought just raised a few goose bumps on my arms. I hear something following me. I turn back wishing it was not a leopard. But alas! It is!.. 'Ayyo! chirate' and it is ready to leap onto me! Before I could react, it has leapt into the air and it’s looking like a drawing cut out from ‘Tiger Chaap’ cracker’s wrappers. I don’t know why it has stopped in the air; trying to scare me to death to save itself the extra effort??. I come to senses and wish it was a dream. Wish fulfilled! It is indeed a dream.. and some mindless logic passes my mind which goes something like, “ If I am still alive it has to be a dream, since I am not feeling the pain either” . I shut myself up and try to close my eyes. I could not sleep after this, imagining if it was real how painful it would be ; the leopard dug it’s teeth into my neck. Gosh!! .. I preferred to stay awake, until sleep took me into its arms again after a while, without my wishing for it.

The Summer of '98 - Part3

During this period, I visited Amma's 13th day after passing away in Gokarna. First exposure to the world after surgery. I do not remember much of anything. We came back to Manipal, this time only me and father. I was at the other end of the hospital. This time my doctor was Dr. Ramanujam - Radio oncologist. The part of the infected area which as to be irradiated to kill any remaning trace of cancer cells. They had marked all the portion on m neck with a type of ink. Ever since I had learnt about radiation in my high school I had come to think that it was something cool. But the days ahead were to reveal the unimaginably harsh thing called 'radiation' to me. Everyday I had to recieve 2 dosages, each lasting for 5-10 mins. Radiation in itself doesn't cause any pain, but the effects it has on metabolism and the body as a whole are bizzare. First of all the burning of the skin. The dosages are are so less and subtle that one would feel nothing, absolutely nothing when under the machine inside the radiation chamber. But gradually the radiation has burnt the skin beyonf recognition, as good a burn as caused by fire. This is ok if it is a part of the body which can be hidden by clothes, but not parts like neck,head etc. Second complication is the stomach and digestion. May be I tried almost all types of food during those days, with all types of combinations. Nothing would go in, and I would always have this nauseatic feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I would come running back from the restaurent to the ward to throw up everything I had gulped in. It is a very embarassing situation. You feel hungry but if you start eating there is some uneasiness in the stomach and you feel like vomitting. Meanwhile one more guy who was may be a year or two younger than me, was admitted near my bed. He was also from Kadra near Karwar. He had comains of frequent bouts of fever nad nausea. His father once had told us that his was a case of leukaemia. That day I was very sad on hearing this. He was so young for a disease like that.I had asked this boy once about this and he didn't seem to be aware of this fact and had only told me his compication. I had also seen kids of 2-3 year who were recieving radiation for brain tumour and others. It's a bad place to be. You start feeling that god is cruel or there is nothing called as god. We would occassionally go home to Karwar on sundays since it was a off day for radiation. Even there I would not like home food. The smell of sambar caused nausea. I was told not to take bath for duration of the therapy. The maximum I could do was to get a wet towel bath below my chest. This was one more discomfort added to the summer heat. Even after the therapy I could not take bath till the burns had healed. They would ooze out puss at times and the complete lack of sensation in those parts resulted in them flowing down till I somehow felt it and wiped them with cotton. Meanwhile I had got my SSLC results and I had passed with a percentage of 85.12%. I had topped the two Kannada medium divisions. Nothing was joyful anymore in my life. The radiation which lasted for one and half months finally ended and I was discharged. I cannot describe the joy that I felt that day. I was going back home, to X-Files, friends and beach. I had to rush for the admission for the college since the last dates for application were nearing. The thought of dropping a year never crossed my mind, and I am grateful to my parents for not having put me to think in that direction even though they had such thoughts in mind. They were obviously anxious since I had not yet completely recovered. They were even thinking of putting me into Commerce stream since science would prove too hectic for me. But all these intentions were revealed to me after I had got a seat in science thankfully. I think I would not have chosen anything else , because I wanted to become a scientist :). The phase after this was the most challenging I think. All my classmates and friends were shocked and sad after I had narrated my summer holiday adventure and after seeing what was left of me. But I too was emotionally not mature and all this started to take a toll on me. I started to avoid the company of people except a few close friends from my school. Thus I never enjoyed those college days nor did I make any good friends. Besides, I was still recovering from the shock and coming to terms with the world which used to give me pitiful and at times yucky glances. Someone sneering at me made me very sad and uncomfortable though I pretended not having observed them. To this date I am yet to accept this fact completely , though offlate there have been some positive signs. The pain I have gone through has been immense. I still am fighting my own identity. I dont know how to describe this. But all these years, somehow I have been lucky enough to have succeeded to some extent in my studies and having landed a job too. I am totally grateful to god for what I am today. And I hae never had a single instance of people making fun my condition or passing remarks atleast before me. But it pains when I can't mix with new people with the same friendliness a normal guy would do. I cannot pursue all that I want for the same reason of people not easily mixing up with me. Some people deliberately try to ignore me even if I want to talk to them. This hurts a lot, but I have to live with this , since this appears to be my Karma. So this pretty much sums up that dark phase of my life. Sorry if I made you puke. There is no way I could have described this than what I have written. Nothing artificial or untrue. So keep reading .. bye..

The Summer of 98 - Part2

So the exams were over and as planned , I had to go to Manipal to see the doctor. We went in a week or so, and this time we met the doc.He was a nice person and at a later stage we came to learn that he was a distant relative of ours :).This time they did some diagnosis and FNAC(Fine needle aspiration cytology). The diagnosis would take a week and they asked us to come back a week later. Those days there was no cell phone nor was there a practice of informing people on phone.A week later we went again this time mom and brother also came along. The diagnosis was out. I was only told that its some minor thing.But it was a malignant tumor,called muco epidermoid carcenoma.It is obvious why I was not told about this.I was admitted and the surgery was to be performed to remove the tumour and it was scheduled for April 20th. It was the day finally. I was given a dose of sedatives in the morning so that I would sleep off and there is no pre surgical anxiety running high. I do not clearly remember whem my normal clothes where removed and a white cotton shirt and paijama were put on. This was like preparing a bakra before sacrifice. So there I lay on the cold table in a lose white shirt and a paijama,with heavy eyes,trying to embrace onto sleep at the same time wondering what will happen when I will be on the other side of this deep trance. Anasthesia was administered. The doc asked me to count 1,2,3 .. and thats it I was knocked unconscious. It was a 13 hour surgery and my dad had cried many times during the surgery , I was told. The tumor was the size of a small sized tomato it seems. They had also performed some microscopic surgery on the neck region. I remember lying with a heavy head and face and a feel of thick layer of bandages around my head, Lying on a table in a dimly lit,cold room, I do not remember when I clearly regained consciousness. I saw a nurse standing beside my bed and I asked her if the surgery was over and she nodded or said "Yes". I sighed. A little later mother was there standing beside nodding her head. Her expressions were so decieving, I would not sense a thing about the grave situation. I had come literally out of the mouth of death. Sometimes in ignorance,I ask in return was I really supposed to live?. Who would answer such things?, forget it!. I can faintly recall a night a when I was moaning in sleep because of the pain. At that time pain had been so immense and wide spread that my body had gone numb. They had strapped a sensor kind of thing on my left arm which would indicate if I was experiencing a lot of pain. I do not remember the date or the day. The next morning, I was trying to get out of bed and lay my feet onto the ground probably after 2 days. But I could not move my feet. They were dropping lifeless . I had lost control over them. I could not rest my body on them and stand on them. They simply would not respond. I was kind of shocked. I was carried to the toilet with the help of others while I rested my hands on their shoulders and tried to walk. Doctor said this was something serious , a GB syndrome possibly. My dad started crying inconsolably as the doc said this, since he knew how serious a disease that is. I can sense his desperateness. A helpless father who could do nothing to save his son from slipping into the hands of death. I was sitting there, shell shocked, staring in complete disbelief towards my dad, who through out my childhood had embodied a strong character with lots of principles and values,who would not budge under any fear or pressure,was crying like child. I could do nothing, not saying a word to console him. I needed someone to shake me out of all this. I was lost in all this drama.Even today what happened to me doesn't make me all that sad,except this day or all those times my parents have had to bear so much pain,which made them cry. My eyes well up in tears and I get depressed at the picture of this event. A fit of rage takes me over and I feel like smashing everything around me or hurting myself. It has left a permanent scar in my mind. The doctor uttered, "Well!! this is a million dollar situation!" and called the nurse to instruct her something. I would practice walking with the help of others,who would hold a bottle which was connected to a hole in my neck through a pipe, meant to suck out the fluid waste, in a bucket. This was an extra appendage to my body for a few days. Thankfully in a course of few days I regained control over my feet and could walk normally. It was simply because of a condition developed after a long spell of anesthasia. All the muscles would totally relax and would drop almost lifeless. So did my feet during the long surgery, and it had taken little late to recover from the slumber. Things were actually getting worse and one more shocker was waiting for me. One early morning, I had faintly woken up from sleep and I saw mom talking over the phone near the reception and dad trying to console her. Later in the day mom left to Agasur(her maternal home)telling me that, " Amma(grandma) was not feeling well and I need to see her". It was only when she returned a day later, I came to know that it was not the truth. One more of my uncles had come to see me, dad was standing near the bed and he said in a low tone," Amma is no more in this world!" . That sounded like a dialogue from a movie. But it was truth and nothing less than that. Far away from the fake of movies. It was like a sudden lightning in a calm sky. My eyes were popped out, in shock. I had not a lost a loved one till then and it was more than shocking to hear such a thing under the circumstances. I still feel guilty, since I somehow feel, she had worried too much on me and that caused it. She was a beloved gradma for all of us. She had raised me as a new born and given me a lot of love throughout my child hood.I still wonder at my mom's strength, when she could only see her mother being cremated and not a single day to mourn with her sisters when on the other hand she had a son who had been just slicked away from death. What pain it must have been! Like always she emerged from it all. My brother Suvrat was there in Agasur, going through all this. Probably his childhood rescued him from all the pain at that tender age away from parents alone in all this. Meanwhile the main cuplrit and the protagonist of the story , thats me ,was slowly recovering from the post surgical blues. I was popping many tablets, all of different color and taste. I was discharged from the surgical ward. I was given a break of few days and I had to return back for radiotherapy for the next one and half months.

The Summer of 98 - Part1

In all these 24 years of my life so far, I have faced ups and downs like every individual. My life was normal till the age of 16 like everyone. But then there was something else in store for me for the important years of my life to come ahead. This is a sincere attempt to describe the events that kind of changed my life. I didn't wish to write this initially, but I thought it's time I shared some sour part of my life. I would not like to call it that way now, since I have begun to see the good things behind every which happens in your life and I have come to learn how trivial my troubles are. I do not wish to make this a tear jerker, just writing things on impulse.

It was March 4th 1998. Me and my father had reached Kasturba hospital, Manipal, surgical OPD. I remember it was a wednesday. I will digress a little here. Every wednesday was exciting for me, as X-Files, which was my favorite would be aired on that night. I would sit glued to the TV throughout trying to decipher the dialogues with the limited knowledge of English I had. We were waiting in the hall, whole afternoon and then my father asked a nurse there, if they would let us know if Dr. Ramchandra had come. But they would put off. We would eagerly keep looking at every other doctor who passed by , trying to imagine if he was the doc we were waiting for. After a couple of hours,sister told that doc wouldn't come to OPD since his child was sick. We had come all the way from Karwar to hear this. I was in my 10th standard and board exams were less than a month away. This sudden lump like growth under my right ear had caused anxiety and the doctors in Karwar had suggested to see someone in Manipal or Hubli. March 4th was a special day. It was the annual prize distribution ceremony and I was notified that I had won first prize in Sanskrit like the year before. This year I had also won best all rounder of the year along with some other prizes. I had missed that event because we had to come to see the doctor in Manipal, and I think that was the last felicitation I would have ever attended for my lifetime. I really miss it to date. I used to buy books from the prize money I had won. The previous year I had bought books on Thomas alva edison, Stephen hawking and books related to machines ,magnetism. Those days my dream was to build a flying object which would have its own magnetic field around it and since similar poles repel , this thing would have a field against earth's and glide easily without any resistance. This basically is flawed, but as a high schooler, this was my fantasy which was obviously influenced by X-Files. Back to March 4th Manipal. I asked my father to leave as soon as possible, so that we can reach home before 9 and I would catch X-Files. So desperate ! hehe!. But we could only start from Udupi( Town near Manipal) at 10 in the night. After this day I do not remember what went on till my board exams were over. I had studied hard and in those days there was no issue of lack of concentration. I would just sit on a bed and start studying and get lost with it. I was pretty nervous during the exams not because of the usual exam fear. Infact I used to love exams, may be because of the holidays that lay on the other side of it :). The reason for fear was beacuse I had heard these stories of people using unfair means to copy in the exams and to escape from it they would pass it onto someone sitting nearby. Like they would throw the chits under someone else's bench. This had caused a lot of worry for me. What if I was made the scape goat for some one else's sin? The anti copying squad would simply whisk me away. But nothing of that sort happened and I finished my exams, and if I remember correctly I did not regret for having done any one exam bad. Like I said, the holidays were important to me :D.
That very same day one of my friends Vivek was leaving Karwar and he had asked all friends for a photo session. We were probably 5-6 of us. I had to finish this quickly since me and father had planned to see a doctor in Kaiga. Hence I rushed to the studio. I remember it was cloudy and humid on an early April afternoon. We the teenagers had nothing else than to discuss except movies atleast on the day exams had ended, and we were discussing every other movie that released; Jeans to Ishq. After the photo session we departed, and it was the last time I have seen of Vivek. Few weeks back I heard his voice on phone after 8 years, it was totally different. It's strange you bump into people after a long time and things have changed so much about that person that you wish it were the same person once again. Same evening we went to Kaiga to see that homeopathy doctor and came back at night. There is only one good hangout place in Karwar which is the beach. Except rainy season it is the best place you can on a sombre evening gazing at the sunset. You, the horizon and that huge red ball sinking into the water, and nothing else in between. I used to meet my langotiya yaar( close friend) and classmate Nagraj, everyday on the beach, during holidays. We had never a dearth of topic to talk about. Obviously girls and crushes were a major hot topic in our talks. This was all that I was, a very common small town guy dreaming about stars , space and Indian institute of Astronomy. I can sense that frustration building inside you if you are reading this expecting some twist in the story..I want to apologise for this. I am telling this story only to give you a small picture of my life before the summer of '98. Keep reading..

Questions

After some time again..
This time I have musings about myself. I am in an introspective mode.
I have a few questions for me..
1. Why am I shy to mix with people?
2. Why am I wary of showing my talents? What prevents me?
3. Why do I always not take action on any good idea I have? Why is it that my brainstorming session on the new idea ends up in negative result?
4. Why cannot I act on one thing at a time not bothering about anything else?
5. What is purpose of my life?
The last one was a bit too common question. Everyone has this question I suppose.

A quote

George Bernard Shaw once said :

“ The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all the progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

Don - A review

Today ,I resort into a territory which I have never ventured so far into, but have always had a strange sense of liking for it.
I want to write a review about a movie.
This fateful movie happens to be none other than the recent release DON starring SRK and others directed by Farhan Akthar.
Monday evening, back from office and at a loss to think about anything I could do. Suddenly this idea flashed to my mind, to go and catch a movie since it had been quite a while. Sometimes I have been praising and patting my back for having made a decision to purchase a bike, because of instances like these. I think of something and there I have my bike, and off I go. Sheer independence and the joy of riding added!. I bought a ticket for a 9:30 show. Since I had 2 more hours at my disposal, decided to savour the Monday evening crowd at the Forum. Bought a new pair formal shoes too since the old one was starting to fall apart. Finally the movie started after a painful series of crappy ads. The green tinted screen showing the titles along with the melancholic background score serves as a prelude to the story which is going to unfold. Though I do not recollect having seen the original version on good old DD, SRK according to me has done enough justice to the original role with his typical feverishness(Some call it Overacting) and style statements. Story in itself is surprisingly different ,going by the current trend of movies.
Had it only been not a remake, but an original version by Farhan- Who I think is capable of such feat-, it would have been regarded as phenomenal; a trendsetter like RGVs Satya.
The dialogues to me appeared a little lose and sounded like narrating the story themselves, leaving little work for the audience to scratch and find the story. I was definitely comparing the Farhan of 'DCH' and 'Lakhshya' when it came to dialogues. I think Farhan, in an attempt to adopt a different style has gone a little slack in this regard. Action scenes were on par with the highest standards of bollywood in my opinion and that particular chase sequence
where police almost hunt down the Don, was to me, great!. Though hollywood action scenes are a far cry from what we see in bollywood, it is good to find such action movies raising the bar everytime and I can see that, some day a full fledged bollywood action movie of that standard will be a reality. Indian movies are incomplete without songs, and this one is no exception.
Remixes of the original version are pleasent to the ear, thanks to the neat work done by Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy. Picturisation is glitzy and colourful with lust filled dance sequences to top it. Very few individual performances come to mind, if I were to recollect. SRK has given the best he could, which one can sense, and more important is nowhere in the movie does he try to imitate BigB. And he carries the role comfortably. I have not liked SRK in romantic flicks but I think he has done his job brilliantly here. Especially that deadly snarl on his face when he smashes that cigarette butt. But he just cannot be a bhaiyya. Remember the airtel ad in which he tries to imitate UP accent? He sucks, and he hasn't been doing any catchin’ up I believe, since he doesn't succeed to bring out that Vijay, who is the look alike of Don, here either. Boman Irani, as we all know has great potential and can very well slip into the shoes of the likes of Naseerudhin shah and Ompuri. But he just cannot do Kung-Fu, no matter how original he tries to be, neither his facial expressions nor his body support him in the act. I was not sure if Farhan had ever tried to keep the story a suspense, unassuming the original was no different than this. Because right after the chase sequence which I mentioned earlier, it is pretty evident that Boman Irani has fishy hands.This was kind of a let down for me, for I never expected it to be such a give away :(. Other than this, Priyanka Chopra and Isha koppikar do enough justice to their roles with the limited capabilities they have. Isha was a little better I felt,or does she have that 'buri billi' kind of look on her face? I'm not sure!. Arjun Rampal never comes out of the brooding image of his. Nevertheless he tries to act. SRK is aging, which is evident from the lines on his forehead and drooping cheeks and it's hard to cover it up with makeup. Last but not the least, that blood on SRK's teeth looks more real than it does on any other hero :D. I have been observing this right from ‘Baazigar’ and ‘Darr’. Very few can bleed so well like him ;).
All in all an entertainer, as it is proving to be. Churning out a lot both in India and abroad. 'Not to be missed' ,would not be an overstatement.

That was my first movie review! Phew!

Test Cleared!!

Yeaaaaaaaaaah!!!! I cleared the test successfully. Got a 72%. I can party now!!!

And Back!

It has been quite a while since I wrote something. Thought it's time to put on the writing gear once again. Though I cannot think of anything in particular to write about, I can still present a picture of my current standing! Hmm... Well! I am studying currently(No seriously!). After a long time I have been studying for something , a certification. I surely would not have, if this was not made mandatory in my company. Besides they have made this a pre requisite for compensation review of the coming cycle :(. I have to complete this by December else I would be left in the lurch. When is the exam?? It's tomorrow! :S. Then what am I doing now?.. I thought I'l' take a break!. What better way of breaking than writing out. One more reason, I have been studying so passionately is to save the rest of the winter from weekends like this, where I will dig myself into Java books and questions hoping to clear the test. The whole weekend goes into drain. By the way, I have come to office on a Sunday :( , hoping to catch up with some topics whose material I do not have at home. Hopefully I will make it this time round . :)

POW

Not prisoner of war :D..; pearl of wisdom, dropping right out of my partially smiling lips-

" Life's confusion and dissappointment can be ovecome with one single thought, which is, ignoring the unimportant thoughts without discretion, and holding tight to the correct ones" .

But the knowledge of what is right or important and what is not, is a huge thing in itself and requires a lot of study and patience.

I live for myself

Two of them were sitting on a bench by the swimming pool after a nice lunch on a sunny afternoon. A gentle breeze every now and then rustled the leaves. One of them initiated the conversation," What are your thoughts on helping the people in need?, as in how would you go about this?, whom will you approach?". The other person looking at the cool blue water in the pool, said," As of now I can only, think of this , but when it comes to actually doing it .. well!". The other guy said," Would you donate something to the organizations or how about starting something on your own?". He placed his palms on his face rubbing the unshaven chin and said,
" There are already so many people and organizations doing this! why would I go and start something on my own, when I am not very specific as to what exactly I want to achieve. If it is my life's sole purpose , then I would no doubt do this". He continued," Besides I am right now concerned only about myself, my interests , my career. Anything I do is directly originating out of my interest and my personal gain. I read,because it is going to benefit me. Hence right now I can't think of doing much for others!". There was a sense of surprise on his face, and he replied,trying to hide it," Yeah! ". This person, still staring at the waters, thinking of something deeply,said to himself," I do everything for my own gain! I did Art of living for my personal gain.I had no intention of helping the society. I can't think of something, without it serving a purpose for me, my survival. A thing carries no meaning to me if doesn't cater to my personal interest. I am selfish!!".

This conversation happened between me and my friend Srinivas yesterday. :)

What was wrong till that night?

It was 10 at night. The exaust and the dust had ultimately started to settle down, making way for oxygen to seep in . Whole market was over with the hustle bustle of the day and people were unparking their vehicles and heading home. I finished my dinner and trudged onto the otherwise busy pavement and was loitering around when I heard these voices," Look at them ! they are so beautiful!! they fight wow! cmon there! wow what a shot!" .
There were a group of people surrounding a middleaged man who was doing some kind of puppet show.He was a dwarf but pretty well built.It was nothing like I have seen. Two small dolls were fighting against each other. It was as graphic as it could get! they were launching themselves into the air ,somersaulting, kicking the opponent hard, ducking underneath, trying to floor one another.It was as real as two tiny wrestlers out of Gulliver’s travels on the pavement putting up a good show. I had stopped and was witnessing this show
wide eyed,like a kid, awestruck. I was wondering when did toys started coming with embedded AI and sold on street side ! Boy! :0
But slowly I could trace a thin thread running into the hands of the man!,he was dexterous in maneuvering the thread in such intricate ways. Meanwhile those little toys were beating the hell out of each other. If I had bought it,I doubt if would ever be able to host any show like this.And to top it all there was a running commentary in broken English!
After a while the show ended and the crowd having had free fun, started dispersing. I crossed the road and helped myself onto one of the empty benches.Trying to feel the fresh air, I noticed , the man had wound up for the day and carrying his little 'potlee' and he asked a rickshawala.. no guesses the reply was a no!. He was a dwarf as I already mentioned! and had a strange style of walking.He ran across the busy road and into the bus stand. He looked at a few buses here and there and slowly disappeared from my view.
I dont know if he boarded a bus or simply chose to walk. My gaze shifted to the place onto the pavement where he had put up that show.A sense of pity and shame ran through me. I dont know why! I felt sorry for and at the same time a sense of appreciation for the brave dwarf man! Without any delay I placed my rather tall image looking down and out ,besides his, and asked myself a question," What is wrong with me?". This incident kind of changed my perspective.A paradigm shift,though of a small degree. Its wonderful that such simple incidents teach us valuable lessons.
I am Grateful to god, not one but in many ways! :)

Bangalored...

Title reminds us of the newspapers proudly flashing this with regard to the success of BPO in India. My 'Bangalored' is more concerned with the common Bangalorean or some outsider who has visited Bangalore. This is more of a sarcastic version of the original one which was infact coined as a jealous praise. Though I am not at all near an authority to write on this topic, I just am crying as every one else. It represents not only mine but every other Bangalorean's frustration who has been in the rush hour traffic, or been threatened by the flood waters in his living room. Yes! you can probably use this as a sarcastic and unpleasent remark if you are stuck in that horrible traffic next time. I get Bangalored every now and then, travelling to E-city on Hosur road , or Bannerghatta road. Fortunately I have not had any other bad experiences with this city apart from this.
I work in electronics city which is accessible from the city through the notorius Hosur road. A lot has been said and heard about this tainted road, in newspapers to cabinet meetings. Now some action seems to be taking place after a long time. Let me give you a brisk ride on the hosur road. It starts from the Silk board flyover ,acting as the traffic easer for the busy Madivala junction. Then there is this huge stretch of road wide enough for 3 buses, flanked by swanky glass buildings and small petty shops alike, on both sides. For people from the nearby villages this road is like the lifeline as is for the IT companies in E-city. There are quite a few important companies along the road, Wipro, Novell, HTMT to name a few. And there is a Gold hill square - home to Bosch, Sasken and HCL -which is one of the major bottlenecks. It is believed that on the way back home from office , if you cross Sasken, you are done with half of your share of traffic jam for today because after this point there is more or less free moving traffic. Virtually at every junction, you find that traffic coming to a halt and a huge pile of automobiles honking at each other creating undue noise. Please note you will find very few autos on this road. Its the swanky cars and two wheelers careening their way through the pile,and offcourse the Infosys buses. I hope that one day when the elevated highway from silk board to E-city will be complete, all this chaos will be a sweet or bitter memory. This slow slush(In the top view ;)) of vehicles is till Electronics city, a major hub of IT co.s in Bangalore. For every commuter who travels on the stretches of pothole ridden, clogged Bangalore roads , word 'Bangalored' brings a sarcastic smile onto the lips. Tell me if I am wrong here. And for the non IT people, its the rising cost of living and the flooded areas of outer skirts of Bangalore( IT ppl also complain about this no less!). Bangalore's traffic is overflowing onto the pavements. If you don't believe me, please try to take a stroll on BTM ring road at 7 in the evening. Don't complain if you are run over by a two wheeler. So is the population. I dont think Bangalore can take it anymore at this pace of growth, unless something is done at ground level. We have to act before the word 'Bangalored' will be recorded in the dictionary for a phenomenon which occurs when a city bursts at the seems at a time when it's own growth becomes it's enemy. No Bangalore! you cannot go down like this!.

Saturday noon Lunchathon

You know wat?.. Burrrrp!! ... oooops!.. wait that was the result out of the frustration of not getting a parking slot for my little bike in and around Jayanagar 4th Block...Confused eh?.. yea.. It's a saturday .. like any other..
It was 12:00 noon today and my stomach had given me enough calls for lunch time.Off I go on my 'fresh out of service' bike, to fill in. I roam around the whole of 4th block, from Adigas to cool joint, the cross roads and one ways, and I come back to where I started; NO SIR.. it's easy to find a house in Bangalore but You will be really very lucky if you get a parking slot for ur bike during peak shopping hours. But today it was terrible, adding to my frustration, arising out of my incessently running nose. It's still running like Jog falls!!- both nostrils.. :P..Thus my lunchathon halted at my room. Frustration sometimes helps you in many ways. I decided that today was the day.. I have to have lunch at MTR, and why not?, I have a strong reason..no parking in Jngr. I called up Prasanna as there was one near his house(duplicate but still). He was busy! Hmm.. I am going to the real genuine MTR on 'helmet road':D. I really don't know the name of the road.. but ever since I have come to Bangalore, I have found this road to be very special, as it has all helmet and auto accessories shop. You will not probably not find any other shop, but line of shops with colorful helmets. That's helmet road for me!. BMP should actually come up with this name,like there is a 'Gali paranthewali' in Delhi.
MTR though famous , still stands shyly on helmet road.The building bears an old look . You will hardly notice her though. Interiors are no different,except a computer at the billing counter. There were a few people booking their lunch.
Yes! I bought a 80Rs. coupon for lunch and went upstairs for the waiting room. There are infact two waiting rooms. Please note TWO WAITING ROOMS. That means you spend more time waiting than having lunch. Yet both halls were full, people waiting for darshan... Oops! I mean the darshan of the thali. I waited for nearly half an hour. I was the only guy who had come without a company. That is why I stress that I should have a girlfriend.. but!.. . Anyways, it was easy for me to get a seat. They call people in batches depending on their roll no. .First come the plates, then a strange kind of juice in a silver lota(was it?!!). Someone there said it was an appetizer. No need as I was hungry already. It was tasty though. Next come the carrot salad, and achar, and kheer and curry. And the pooris . Wow they are so soft and melted in my mouth. And then there came a yellowish thick paste kind of thing. It was a sweet. All I did was take a small sample on my finger and taste it. GOSH!! It was like some drug. Instant high! I have rarely tasted a sweet so good. It was a badam halwa it seems .Next two minutes I was meditating as the sweet spread itself through my brain. I wanted to ask for more, but I am shy you know :$.Then as I was slowly recovering from the sweet surprise, things came and went, the bisibele bath and raitha, rise sambar and rasam, curd rice and..huh!.. Huh!!Burrrrppp!! Ice cream,MTR one. No guesses! that was great too. By this time water resources in my nose had grown in excess and they started flowing. I was just blowing my nose by the time rasam rice came. It was embarassing for me and for the people around,though everyone was enjoying their nice, sumptuous meal with their head held low. And a perfect finish for a perfect lunch, packed in nicely and rolled in tight comes a fresh, green pan. WOW! I couldn't have asked for more!. Great!! I thought my jeans are going to tear off! God save my belly!. I somehow with great difficulty reached my room. What?!! I cant lie down. Something gushes up my throat if I try to. Probably I had overloaded a bit too much.After a few rolls and small walk in the room, I could go to sleep. Wanna MTR ?..not until you don't find a parking space in Jayanagar .. hehe :D

One night's journey

The long weekend is over and leaning onto look out for another weekend,just short of 2 more days :D. Was a nice experience last weekend when I had been home, after more than a month long gap! given its not far than 450kms. Its raining like crazy in those parts and its very chilly indeed . I visited my native Kadatoka and the crowd there were asking me one thing if not anything. Guess!!.. "Ammmm.. I heard Infy is giving away 128 crores as bonus!! did u get it?" .. their tone was filled with such enthusiasm that it was as if I am alone getting that 128 crore!. Believe me ..even I wanted to call my friend to make sure its not 128crore/employee. Anyways hats off to their curiosity to information,living in a world of their own far far away from all this corporate buzz..
Last night when I was travelling back to Bangalore, I was reminded of this strange feeling I have, everytime I do a night's journey. I have this strange bouts of enthusiasm. Suddenly creative thoughts rush to my mind. I am in shock at times seeing the amazing thoughts I have then. This has sort of become a common phenomenon during my journeys. And moreover this happens on my return journeys to Bangalore. This is how it unfolds; I sleep off for a brief period of say an hour or more initially, and then suddenly there is jolt or a stop somewhere,and I wake up. I again try to slip back , but its hard. Then I start gazing at the dark night outside,whizzing past. Meanwhile , my mind, which never stops thinking(most of which is rubbish), embarks on a thought and an unending chain of thoughts unfolds. Its really amazing to observe the thoughts. They are really creative and awe-inspiring. Sometimes I wonder at myself ,"is this me who's thinking all this?". "Boy!! That was a gret saying there!" . " Man!! this idea rocks". " Jesus christ! what was I doin all these days!, I think I should start off on this next morning :)!" Such is the amazement I experience when soak myself in this juice.
Then after a while, which is approximately more than an hour almost always!, I slowly feel drowsy and go to sleep!!.. But the thoughts and the momentary rush of blood to brain still lingers on!. The explanation?!! Well! this is probably because the human mind is like a battery. It might have drained off completely, but a short recharge in the form of rest or a nap can completely recharge it, long enough to last for a couple of hours more!.. Interesting! :) .. I wish I could ride on that wave on and on!.. Then I might need a constant dose of such short spells of energy :$
hmmmmmmmmmmm .... WaiT!!!!
I think I have it already! MY BREATH!! :D . I can change the rhythm.. I can tune to a more racy beat! and dance, dance!.. wowow!! .. I need to!! .. LETS JIGGY!!.. :D